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NB: May I suggest that if possible you send question 2 (Application section) out early to the group prior to your evening meeting – so they can have some time to think about their answer.
You could begin by asking the group what the writer of these passages meant for us to understand by them?
Understanding:
The Bible sets out before each parent a clear delegated responsibility and a authority for the discipline of their children.
Discipline is the primary way a parent shows love to their child. Discipline is intended to work at three levels. Firstly, it is the overarching framework of values that you are deliberately seeking to instill into your child (eg the importance of Godly virtues and morality). Secondly, where those values are resisted, discipline requires us to bring correction ... the methods of correction employed are important as they too communicate values (eg no intimidation, bribery or emotional manipulation!). Thirdly, where correction is refused, discipline extends as far as punishment ... even the nature of punishment communicates values (eg needs to be proportionate and not administered in the heat of anger). Consequently, discipline is love acted out. It is a sign of sonship, for our good, it involves training, instruction, nurture and chastisement or punishment. It may seem unpleasant, can involve hardship and trials, but it is intended to produce in the disciplined child/person a harvest of righteousness and peace.
Jesus linked our behaviour with our hearts [Mark 7:20-23] and we are warned to ‘guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life’ [Proverbs 4:23] ... so, a parent needs to focus on a child’s heart and not primarily on their external behaviour. This is also true when it comes to discipling adults!
Children like adults are either worshipping God or idols – the idols of the heart, the things of this world. It’s not a case of ‘Will this child/young person worship?’ but, ‘Who or what are they worshipping?’. A child is either moving towards the living God and growing in understanding of the implications of who God is ... or they are growing in understanding of a world without a relationship with God. Therefore, parents need to focus not so much on the child’s behaviour but, to on working back from that behaviour to its’ root in the heart ... seeking to discern the reason why they did it in the first place.
There are many unbiblical ways to correct a child, for example: bribery, emotional manipulation and punishment that doesn’t address or even consider the character/heart issues. Some of us may consider that our parents didn’t do this with us and think ‘I didn’t turn out so bad’, but we can’t afford to presume upon the grace of God in this way!
Application
1.Ask the Cell to split into two groups and have an attempt at explaining (from the Bible) this statement “The behaviour of our children is not the main problem – the root issue is what is happening in their hearts” (allow 5-10mins).
2.A question about your approach to parenting: In the light of what you have learned about the biblical approaches to parenting; ask the group to think about the parenting approach they are using (or would use) and say whether it is biblical?
3.A question about parental authority: How might viewing yourself (as a parent) as ‘God’s agent’ change the way you are working out discipline?
4.A question about communication: Paul listed nine types of communication in the context of discipling a child - of these nine which ones are you better at and which ones are you least good at.
5.A question about planning for the future of your parenting: Are you reviewing your approach to discipline and making changes (where necessary) to embrace more biblical and Godly methods? If yes, how and when are you doing that? If no or not sure, what are the ‘sticking points’?
